Is that really a compliment?

What’s on my mind - 17 August

Hello,

As humans, validation comes very naturally to us. We all want to feel good at something, to belong, and to be liked. With social media, compliments often come from complete strangers, which is lovely because someone liked something about you enough to make the effort and comment.

But I’ve noticed something interesting about compliments (tell me if you agree):

✨ A compliment ending with a comparison isn’t really a compliment.

For example: “Your outfit looks stunning, I wish I could pull it off.”

This carries a hint of jealousy or comparison, which shifts the vibe. Instead, imagine if it was: “Your outfit looks stunning! Can you teach me how you styled it? I’d love to try something like this.”

So much warmer and more genuine, right?

✨ A compliment tied to privilege also feels off.

Not to generalize, but most of us have some kind of privilege such as looks, money, connections, or resources. And yes, we should use them to our advantage (why else would we have them?). But when someone makes the compliment about your privilege instead of you, it loses meaning.

For example: “You look great, but everything looks good on you because you’re tall, no?” or “Your vacation pictures are amazing, it must be nice to have a family business.”

Here, the focus shifts from appreciation to the other person’s insecurity.

And trust me, I have plenty of insecurities myself, like dark armpits, pigmentation on elbows and lips, and many more. It’s always a back-and-forth process of learning not to compare, and instead, appreciating what I already have.

That’s why I make it a point to compliment others sincerely. As someone who truly adores personal style, I love noticing the thought and effort people put into how they present themselves. It doesn’t come easy, and it deserves to be seen.

You could make someone’s day if you wanted. I have screenshots of favourite compliments. Call me cringe

I’ll end with one of my favorite lines from Bambi:

“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

(Or, you know, just write it in a newsletter… haha, just kidding.)

See you in the next one ✨